rombongan cik tenah ke pulau dewata

yes i stole the title from mamat khalid, i quite like his works, as a gal of 80s, i can totally relate to his movie rock. am looking forward to his new movie estet. i go to the movies say like once very 2 years or sumthing. so this year is a record breaker. 1st the indiana jones movie, which i didnt enjoy as much as i thought, not his fault, mine really because looking at his wrinkles reminded me that i am so old. and i think estet will be my second movie this year.

hah i got side tracked, going back to my upcoming trip or also known as "Bengkel Mengenalpasti Halatuju selepas 40" ha ha where i work you see, there's always a bengkel a week and its all about mencari hala tuju and stuff. well, no wonder lah asyik dok cari hala tuju coz bengkel bengkel bengkel, musuarat musuarat musuarat, where got time to actually take a step towards wherever it is that we think we are going to tuju (komplen nampak, macam la bagus sangat)

well, we a bunch of us girlfriends are contemplating our march towards mak-cikdom this year. watudu, my girlfriends unlike me, have never had their income interupted, much less saddled with a RM300K plus study loan (boleh belik rumah u all), so they chose pulau dewata and there i was thinking that our reunion will be in rembau, free lodging and bring- your -own- food gitu.

wah dolu2 rembau wokey, skrang mak cik2 tak main dah rembau2 ni. well i shouldnt complain, had they chosen say london, well i would just see them off at klia then. so satu tabung ayam dah dikorek for the flight. for other expenses i am wrecking my head, and i am trying to think if i do still have an envelope of american dollars still not converted to ringgit (all together now: dream on tenah). i only have an envelope of pilipino pesos actually from my trip last march (work trip hor), which i had been meaning to blog about but never got around to it.

those mak cik keparat, ok korporat, are talking about uluwatu lace, and i was thinking thank god aku dah gemuk, save duit tak payah beli kebaya. tsk tsk tsk.

well this is some sort of a teaser coz i am not sure whether i will actually be able to blog abt the trip sebelum citernya jadi basi (like my surprisingly sweet trip to manila). like to upload the pics, it'll take me 3 months to find the camera wire thingy, and i would end up: sudahlah. like who would want to see my pics when people now want to see that gal in pink mary janes.

i feel like apologizing to any of you who have read this post, langsung tak de substance and content, trip nya pun belum lagik. but this trip will be legendary for me coz i have not been able to see all of my girlfriends at once in ages. i wonder if we are going to have deep (ahak) conversations that we used to have when we were 16, in our dorm room after the lights have been switched off. then the deep questions that we were asking were: sapala gamaknya yang akan jadi husband kita? (ha ha) and how many children are we going to have and will we be successful in life.

well, some of the questions have been answered and as for the last question, our definitions of success have changed. other things have changed too, eg our waistline ha ha. Thank God deep inside we have not changed much. they are a bucnh of girls who i could turn to whenever i need help ( can you imagine, 2 of them, banked in a total of RM30K when i told them that i do not have enuff to go to study abroad. to shy to ask, i just emailed one of them, and she immediately replied: berapa? acct no.?)

they have totally spoilt me. see, with each other we can say whats on our mind. and sometimes i make this mistake with people who i begin to feel comfortable with most often than not end up with catastrophic results.

just reaching 40 nowadays is a feat by itself. so sans our significant others, and sans offsprings, we proud mak ciks to be are off to pulau dewata. feeling guilty about this, we are melayu after all, we quickly quoted oprah in our emails. you know the one that says: you have to love yr self before you can love others well. like you need to put on the oxygen mask on yr self before you put one on others.

better sign off here before i continue rambling about this trip. on second thought, this entry sounds like im trying to justify the trip huh? typical tenah. wish me a safe journey and a refreshing retreat will ya. i'll be thinking of you when i'm having a spa there (my first!! woo hoo I am a spa-virgin) tsk tsk tsk what an un mak cik like statement. aik, ni nanti ada yg salah tafsir plak ni more tsktsk tsk.

signing off because i have just remembered that nyonya's husband reads my blog, much to my surprise. somehow i often think that all my readers are females except for jokontan and one

hasta la vista

how la

it really bothers me that my book is still no where in sight. each time i meet parents who have children with autism (more are calling me now, from words of mouth i suppose) i feel like a broken record because they will ask the same questions, what causes autism? why does my child flap his fingers? how often does he need speech therapy? my child has a younger sibling, should we or should we not give him the MMR (measles, mump and rubella) shot?

each time after meeting these parents, it comes to me loud and clear: i should write the book, in the easiest, simplest malay. at least i could show the parents where they can find answers (well, there are still areas in autism that are without answers, so discussion for these instead ) in the book.

time is really not on my side. during the weekdays, meetings eat up huge chunks of my time. 2 meetings per day means a whole day is gone. and sometimes when i have that 30 odd minutes in between meetings, a student will drop by, dropping off books that they had borrowed or asking some questions and there goes my plan. i consider myself lucky that my office is far from the main building so i have less colleagues dropping by for chit chat.

i read that the author of the rice mother would rent a house by the beach and did nothing but write around the clock. i thought of doing this but oh so malu to tell you that i'm a scaredy cat, being alone in a hotel room would scare the heebie jeebies out of me. i think i am the only malaysian who once imagined the ghost of henry the eighth (yes that fat guy) was in my room. too shy la to tell you the whole story. but of all hantus, henry the eighth. i bet tak de org msia lain yg terperasan hantu ni dalam bilik depa, i'm a lost cause i tell u.

so a lonely room by the sea is out.

any ideas you all?

btw, unlike when i was in the US dulu when i would stay back in my office till 1 am. La ni sorry lah. hm so either my tahap ketakutan dah meningkat or maybe my tahap kemalasan

satu campur dua campur tiga

note: am pulling an all-nighter which leads me to blog hopping and i need to blog in order to stop my hopping

cerita satu

a cute lil bird told me that my hoouse mate went out to get a card and chocolates for me.
me: a card and chocolates?
lil bird: a hm
me: for me?
lil bird: hm hm
me, brutally: heck, what's the occasion? (tsk tsk tsk)

later as i open my messy closet, there was an envelope with something thick inside. american dollars perhaps? saki baki yang tak ditukar ke ringgit (dream on tenah!) rupanya kad manis, penuh bonga2 kecil dan hati2 kecil, with words printed something to this effect (am describing it in great details as i know i will never have the time to upload the picture no matter how much i want to do so) ....am glad that we are together, growing old together or something to that effect.

and the best thing is that the chocolate is dark, not milky. it wasn' that good but the fact that its dark chocolate and not milk chocolate made it so special. like being reassured sort of, the person who i have been sharing my space with knows me well.

cerita dua

orang malaysia gemar bermesyuarat! after working in the states for 3.5 years, the difference is big. the meetings here start at the beginning of the day and ends at 5.30 even. yadda yadda yadda. most astonishingly we get lectured for not producing any research papers or (ye Gawd!) books. so this is the research that i really want to do, measure the hours that all the staff are involved in a meeting for a whole month and see how many hours they have left after deducting the time for classes too.

busuk2 1 staff get rm100 per hour x 10 staff x 2.5 hrs= tak 2.5k ke?

i am now trying to be smart and bring my lap top to the meetings. in one meeting last week, i finished my powerpoint slides for a presentation. yes, in daily life i talk a lot but thank God in meetings I know when to shut up when the discussions do not lead to anything.

cerita tiga

i have work which deadlines were 2 weeks ago, still uncompleted, thanks to all the meetings. so i am staying up all night to meet the deadline. whats the connection between stories 1,2, and 3? i am now munching the dark chocolates so that i could stay awake.

oh btw, i have gained 8 kilos since i started working. and this could be cerita empat. and cerita lima could be about my mother who has to drag a stool as support to go to the bathroom as her knee is acting up. i die a little, i tell you, when i see her like this.

so blog entry over for the nite, back to my work and its already 3.43am. did i mention that i have a whole-day meeting tomorrow?

i swear if anybody says "welcome to the real life" that person will die a little. am not sure if this is a joke. life's a joke, the sad thing is i'm not grinning at the moment. sib baik ada coklat, DARK coklat "wiggle eye brow"

meant to be

i found myself last year to be playing and replaying scenes from agatha christie's murder on the orient express in my mind. i didnt realize it in the beginning. but later i found myself thinking of this scene especially, the one where nearly all on board the orient express took turns to stab the "victim". i thought of this scene while i was doing the dishes, as i wait for the light to turn green etc. i caught myself one day, and asked myself why i was thinking so much of the murder scene. then i realized that it was my way of dealing with the brutal murder of Nurin.

i avoided the newspapers, the tv during the coverage of her case. i barely read blogs that discussed her. i am weak like that. i cant handle it. and its disappointing in a way as i am supposed to be among the learned about the well being of children, i should have at least written about her in my blog. but i did nothing except for rerunning the scenes from the murder on the orient express.

whats the big deal about the orient express. (spoiler ahead) its about a group of people who took revenge after the death of a young girl who was kidnapped. they boarded the orient express, the other 2 or 3 passengers were the kidnapper (who was stabbed by the other passengers) and poirrot. am not sure whether hastings, his sidekick was on the train too or not.

so it was almost a chance to redeem myself when i was invited to join the workshop held by the kementerian pembangunan wanita to discuss the national child protection policy (dasar perlindungan kanak-kanak). i have to admit that i have always been sceptical of govt officers ( i am one too btw) for their beauracratic (sp?) ways of handling things. but i was really pleasantly surprised with how eager they were to include all thoughts and really encouraged everybody to give inputs for the draft of the policy.

for me, it was invigorating mentally, after a semester of my lecturing, to be at the receiving end and hearing thoughtful sincere input from those who are as passionate as i am about children. comments especially from the unicef representative provoked deep reflective thinking on my part and made me realize how i need to learn more. its a bad habit, once you are so busy teaching others, you forget about your need to learn.

the session was encouraging, i hope the output will be as dynamic as the discussions we had.

my blog is apolitical (i dont have to be apologetic here as they are more insightful political blogs out there) but i have to say that i am impressed with dato ng yen yen. i met her when she was the dep min of finance and now i had the chance to hear her speech again, she is sharp. i think she is the best person from bn to be at the helm of kpwkm.

we have so much more to do for the children in our country. kpwkm is planning to set up a jabatan kanak-kanak, finally! as the good minister said, 40.8% of our population is made up of young people 18 years old and below. yeah, having a dept to deal with their issues is definitely a good idea

a belated happy teachers' day

this flurry of mass wishes via sms is new to me, who was cell phone-free before (US speak, handphone here). among the best happy teachers' day sms wish was this:

dulu DIA pegang rotan
kau kata DIA garang
bila DIA lambat masuk kelas
kau kata DIA malas
bila DIA beri nasihat
kau kata DIA buang tebiat
bila DIA marah2
kau kata DIA cepat naik darah...

kini kau adalah DIA...

Selamat Hari Guru 2008
"Guru Cemerlang Negara Terbilang"

i strongly belief that teaching-learning is a 2-way process, i'm his teacher but boy have i learnt a lot from him, the sender of this sms wish.

he's deaf, he's working towards his degree, he's an activist, he's very IT savvy, he's dashing when he drives his gold myvi

really those who call them Orang Kurang Upaya are really wrong. they are more berupaya than us.

i met senator prof datuk Ismail Salleh recently, and there is no way he is less berupaya than me, with his highly refined English and sharp inputs. he could not see me but somehow come to think about it i was sitting on his office sofa oh-so-primly....

Mak is warded again

the second time, tak rasa kalut sangat. i have a feeling that it wont be as long as her first time. well, i'm back to sleeping in the lazy chair for a few nights.

i hope there wont be so many relatives staying over visiting her. mak being warded i can handle. taking care of mak and cooking and entertaining relatives, i have to admit, its a tad too much.

i have like 200 papers to be graded. will have to haul them to the hospital tonite. am praying that mak is willing to wear the giant diapers. or else, i'll be looking at a minimum of 9 trips to the loo for her (which means for me too as i worry that she might slip down in the loo)

at least the drs there are sweet. female- all of them. shld blog abt them one of these days.

for hazel, rad, affandi, zakzak dan yang sewaktu dengannya

with hazel's visit, i am reminded that some of my blogger frens are working towards their phd. ha ha i hope they do appreciate some of my thoughts/gold nuggets/ketul emas on getting through this painful process (to rub the wound into the salt which is more brutal than rubbing salt into the wound) i would like to share this with these brave warriors: the longer you graduate the less painful you remember the process was ha ha ha. (i can hear u say: macam la dia tu bagus sangat) really after a year you feel only good things abt that journey. so dont worry, you will get there too.

haniways, i've been thinking about these 2 things and i want to share with you dear brave warriors:

1) if you are stuck, for what ever reason, DO NOT HIDE FROM YOUR ADVISOR. instead do the opposite, eg go see your advisor every week. bukan pasal apa dah berapa org dah yg i jumpa, ada yg dah stuck for more than a year and yet they did not go to see their advisors. so many excuses, malu lah, takutlah, even I-dont-know-what-to-say. i know what you can say, say this: I AM STUCK, HELP. after all this is what they are suppose to do right - advise.

but of coz, if you see yr advisor evry week and all u can say is help, for sure he or she would love to pelangkung you. believe me coz i have been elevated to that position ha ha. but to tell u i am such a kind advisor that i would pass message to y advisees via their colleagues: pls tell so-and-so that saya merayu dia berjumpa saya. kah kah kah, seriyes. pas tu dah dia dtg menyerah diri of coz lah akak basuh abis2. i would say: no hard feelings ok but i want you to graduate in 3 years.

so what should you do when you see yr advisor?
a) bring a note book and take down notes when your advisor advises you. tunjuk la kan that you really appreciate and think highly of his/her advice.
b) tanya lah soalan yg bernas2 sikit. ahkak dulu nak tanya soalan pun buat homework, check terminology, baca, prepare so that nanti dia jawab kita faham. buat apa susah2 pi tanya tapi nanti jawapan dia pun kita tak faham.
c) after abis consultation, go thru your notes and buat summary dgn dia, eg: so you think i should do this and that. read this and then run that. coz pemahaman kita mebbe ada off sikit. or she/he might have forgotten something, then he/she would say: and you shoud also.....
d) and then kan ahkak suka kata cam ni: ok pol (his name), i will do this and that, run this and that bla bla bla by next week. jeng jeng jeng, and then akak tanya dia: so when are you free again next week? (kah kah kah, sib baik ahkak ni tak kena pelangkung, depa tu penuh belas kesian dgn ahkak)
si pol tu kan, pernah jawab: gee atenah, do you really need to see me next week (tu kira abis sopan la decline tanak jumpa kita)
dan ahkak dengan muka tulus murni pun jawab: yes, please pol (buat muka sedih okay and suara kasi bayak lembut)

sebenarnya kan akak lagi la tak gemar nak jumpa depa, tensi sangat2, mmg rasa sangat bodoh dan sebagainya. BUT ini lah caranya nak siapkan maha agung karya kita tu. nak jumpa si pol tu minggu depan, minggu ni dah sakit perut dibuatnya. tak boleh nak tido sebagainya susah hati weh. inilah yg membuatkan akak berhempas pulas siapkan apa yg pol suruh siap sebelum jumpa dia lagi.

tu la kan, kalau kita asyik main sembunyi2 dgn our advisors, lagi la tak berjalan research kita. so adik2, jumpa lah mereka dan jgn nyorok2.

2) bab cari topik. heran betul akak bila di sini akak jumpa students yang dah nak abis sem 2, masih lagi tercari2 topik. 1) by the end of yr 1st sem, the latest, mustilah dah siap jumpa topik. how? read extensively. read past thesis yg org lain dah buat etc. baca what they have doen in the developed countries and identify the gap in our country.

kalau tak de topik sebab dok ngelak2, serupa macam guys yg tak nak settle down with 1 girl sebab "what if i meet a more beautiful girl after i settle down?" my advice to you: time is money. the longer you take to choose a topic, the longer you will take to finish, and the more money needed for yr study.

what if i choose a wrong topic. well the answer is: yr advisor shld knw and should advise you against it or ask you to modify etc. tapi kan ramai gak advisors kat sini yg graduate with a phd but not with a vision on where to lead the field to. so bottom line: berhati2 memilih advsior.

ahkak dengan student akak demi nak supaya tak kelihatan macam steamroll, akak kasi can depa pilih their own topic. tapi kalau by 3rd mtg, masih tak de topic, sorry lah, akak suruh je depa buat topik yg akak rasa sesuai.

1st time, 2nd time tu macam mengenal hati budi punya sessions. i might be chit chatting but deep down i analyze. budak ni ok, kepala ada isi, i am sure she will figure out her own path to take. ada pulak yg akak dah boleh predict ni kalau aku biar ni bukan second sem, second year pun tak tau nak buat apa lagi. and i have been correct almost 100%.

for the second type, come the 3rd meeting, masih pening2 lalat lagi, akak buka my machine gun of questions, eg:

dah ada topik blum?
dah cukup baca belum?
hari tu saya suruh baca sekian sekian, dah baca blum?
website pusat pengurusan siswazah dah check ut blum?
timeline dah ada blum?
kalau dah ada bila you plan to graduate?
so kalau you plan nak graduate sekian, sekian, bila you mesti siap you punya thesis?
what is the submission process etc?

brutal? hey i am very very kind. just think of the advisors who they themselves main nyorok2 with their advisees. meeting sampai 3 kali postpone.

i better stop before those yg not on the journey get tired of reading this. if they read at all.

adios, may the force be with you